Familial Cowswami

Last day, I had the misfortune of interacting with the husband of one of my cousins at a family event. Since we’ve already established my feelings toward him, let me clarify that he is not an evil person. It’s just that our ideologies and outlooks toward life could poetically be described as Yin-Yang—completely opposite, with no common ground. That’s fine; everyone is entitled to their vision, as long as they don’t try to claim their vision as the only correct one and attempt to shove it on others who haven’t asked for advice.

After exchanging pleasantries, we got down to the “real talk.” He started by asking me why I am still sticking around here (India) and not moving abroad. To set the context, he has been working in the Middle East ever since I first met him at my cousin’s wedding, around fourteen years ago. His wife and kids, who used to live with him, recently moved to Canada, possibly to settle there once he retires.

Of course, moving abroad seems to be the trend (or even the norm) among people in my state today. It’s a complicated issue—lack of adequate opportunities, better pay, a higher standard of living, a more open-minded society, better work-life balance—there are various reasons people migrate. Nevertheless, I personally find it sad that many people need to move far away from home to secure a future. I believe I’m fortunate enough to be working in a comparatively well-off sector in Kerala, which allows me to maintain a certain standard of living and set aside some savings for the future.

I told him I don’t plan to move abroad.

He was surprised. Why?

I was about to elaborate, except that was when my overprotective parents (who have always struggled with the fact that I’m an adult with my own ideas and thoughts) jumped to my defense, saying I’m staying back for the taste of homemade food.

Of course, I have grown up homesick, and this bond is one factor in my decision to stay here—but it’s not the only factor. Also, I should at least be able to answer questions about my life myself.

I tried telling him that I’m quite content with what I have here.

For someone who measures everything in terms of money, this simple answer was quite complicated to understand.

He told me I need to use my skills to influence society and contribute to it.

I was a bit taken aback. How did altruism enter the chat? I asked him to explain.

With great vigor, he explained that he builds digital products and employs people in his company, thus supporting the livelihoods of his employees and their families.

Good, indeed. Although I doubt whether the intention behind setting up a company and employing professionals was altruistic or simply a smart move to secure his future. Let’s assume it was a mix of both.

I told him that I work in an organization founded by entrepreneurs from Kerala. He brushed it off, saying such companies are just exploiting us for their own profits. Wait a minute…didn’t he just tell me he touches people’s lives by employing them?

I wanted to ask him that, but it’s hard to have a rational discussion with someone who acts like Arnab CowSwami. I would barely say two words, and he’d start talking over me, explaining how I was wrong (even before I finished explaining what I think). He was countering what he expected I would say, assuming my argument before I made it. Same same, but different.

He then told me the difference was that he pays his employees in dollars, while I get paid in mere rupees. Okay, fair point—on the surface. However, if you live abroad, aren’t you also incurring expenses in the same dollars?

Then he brought up passport strength. I’ll give him this one. Passport power is real, and I felt the sting when the Swiss embassy heartlessly rejected our Schengen visa application, even after we spent months planning the perfect itinerary and collecting documents per their tedious requirements.

I thought of ending the discussion, simply telling him that I don’t wish to live in some distant corner of the world as a secondary citizen. He asked me if I think I’m a first-class citizen here. Honestly, I’m not sure. I asked him if he thinks Indian immigrants like him are first-class citizens in a place like Canada. He told me that whatever negative news I see in the media is exaggerated and that his family is living a content life there.

Well, good for him!

I told him the same thing—that despite the many limitations of the underdeveloped country I was born in, I’m living a pretty satisfied life. But, for reasons unknown to humankind, he simply couldn’t accept that response.

The discussion somehow shifted to politics, and he proclaimed himself an anti-communist and a patriotic Indian (who had just been extolling the virtues of a Canadian passport).

He mistook me for a communist and started talking about how socialism is a good idea on paper but how communist societies always become authoritarian, with power concentrated in the hands of a few.

Fair points, but a bit out of context, because I’m not a communist. I don’t believe the state should own all assets or that individuals shouldn’t have any rights to ownership. I understand the world is unequal, and I support a system that ensures the well-being of everyone, regardless of background.

I wanted to explain the political spectrum—from far-right to far-left—and how everyone falls somewhere on that spectrum. I consider myself more of a center-leftist than far-leftist. Just because the communist party here represents the left-wing ideology doesn’t make me a communist—just a leftist.

But, as I mentioned, it’s impossible to discuss things openly with someone who follows the Arnab CowSwami pattern, repeatedly talking over you. At some point, you realize it’s a lost cause and give up.

Coincidentally, this was the day of the U.S. presidential election results. He was checking poll updates and was ecstatic that Donald Trump was returning to power. I knew he was a BJP supporter (let’s attribute that to his “Indian Patriotism”), but his joy over Trump’s possible return was beyond me.

So, I asked why he supported Trump.

“Because he’s a patriotic American,” he replied. Hmm, a true patriot who couldn’t acknowledge the electoral process and people’s verdict four years ago, rallying his “gang of clowns” to the infamous Capitol attack—which later led to his impeachment.

At this point, I still don’t understand his obsession with patriotism and so-called patriots.

“Trump’s return would be a blow in the face of Justin Trudeau and his pro-Khalistan stance,” he continued.

I asked him about Trump’s problematic statements (I also wanted to ask about the sexual harassment allegations, anti-abortion stance, etc.) but could only manage so much in the brief window I had to speak.

He brushed it off as “just words.” As far as I understand, he measures almost everything in terms of money, so “trivial” matters like social welfare don’t really concern him. He cited Bill Gates as an example of a college dropout who made it big due to his vision, completely ignoring that Gates had an affluent, privileged background that more than compensated for his lack of a degree.

I’m quite intolerant of nonsense, and in a few minutes, I’d had more than I could handle. Thankfully, someone else brought up an entirely different topic, giving me an opportunity to excuse myself and protect my sanity.